Welcome to the Ultimate Bad Candy Web Site, the virtual crossroads where candy and people barfing up
candy meet! Since 1997, Mark and Ben
have been saving your ignorant asses by the truckload from the terror of accidentally eating bad candy.
And we've inadvertantly encouraged about
ten times that many people to eat it anyway. So right now I guess we're in the red as far as people actually saved.
Regardless, the cause marches on.
If you've never visited our lecherous, hateful little corner of the web before, then let me fill
you in on what exactly it is that we do here: we eat bad candy, and then we write about it. We know what you're thinking: ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME SOMEBODY DID. And you're right. Often immitated,
never duplicated, The Ultimate Bad Candy Web Site is the edgy-yet-retarded food-alternative Internet resource
you never realized you'd been looking for your whole life, but have been anyway. If that last sentence made any sense to you, good job, you goddamn crazy .
For the full sales pitch, please visit the About the Site section.
All the news we're sober enough to print!
Crikey! Has it really been two years since the last news update?
That's a fair amount of time to let a website just sit there, stagnant. So does this update herald the return of regular content updates?
Hell no! I've been busy!
On the other hand, I've kind of become re-fascinatedô by this rickety old piece of junk website. There's layers upon layers of ancient cruft piled up everywhere around here. Some of it's actually kind of funny. The messageboards
are still limping along, and the other day I realized that this stupid old IRC chat client
still works. And people update the Bad Candy Wiki
from time to time. That's all still sorta fun.
So yeah. Anyway.
I don't know where I'm going with this. Maybe it's time to give the site a facelift again. Fix the messageboards up for new registrants, bring the site up to web standards, set up an RSS feed. Maybe even get a little crazy and write a new review... I don't know. Nobody cares anymore, but that's actually kind of liberating. Besides, popularity wound up diluting all the awesome hatemail with generic, boring niceties. I get laid a lot more often these days; I don't need your goddamn well-wishing.
Did you know that I build websites for a living now? I actually do quite well with it. The only reason I ever learned how was because of bad candy, which is the only thing bad candy has ever done for me, if you don't count freely shitting all over the inside of my miserable mouth.
The Internet is such a silly place
The next time you hear from us will probably be from behind bars.
If you don't follow the messageboards here in BC Land, I'll sum up by saying that this is the third or fourth time that the messageboard poster Kevin73 has done something kind of crazy like this. It's worth searching out the other instances, if you're so inclined. I'd link to them, but I don't want to bring down any more legal heat.
It's probably not even worth mentioning that I'm not actually worried about this.
Every time I think the site has finally died...
... something like this happens in my email:
Dear Bad-Candy aficiondos:
I boiled three circus peanuts last night. It took a while for them to melt, but the resulting concoction resembled a thin orange syrup. I then froze it in a plastic tumbler. It now resembles a rather florid popsicle; the consistency is still somewhat gooey on the surface. I licked the surface and a sickly sweet undertaste remains on my tongue.
I will be pan-frying them shortly and will inform you of the results.
While Ben and I may eventually wither away, old and forgotten, our desicated remains found buried deep beneath a sluggy pile of Tamarindo years after our actual demise, the spirit of candy experimentation shall live on!
This is so goddamn important
Two updates in one week? AND THIS ONE HAS CANDY?!?
This just arrived in ye olde digital mail rucksack:
I have a bit of a story on Pulp Of Tamarind that you
might find interesting.
I'm in middle school, and I'm a big fan of your site.
There's a 7-11 right next to my school, and I stop
there daily to get a slurpee or a pick-me-up snack.
Well, like any convenience store, there's one of those
little "Mexican Candies" sections, and I decided that
I'd inspect it for some tamarindo 'delights'. And
there it was.
Three bags of Pulp Of Tamarind for 99 cents, covered
I spent 99 cents on this shit, and my friends who I
was with at the time were freaking out about it,
talking about how I'd probably DIE if I ate it.
And these kids haven't even read your review.
So, I get back in the car, and Me, Maggie, Laura,
and Helen are just staring at it. The flesh-filled
bags with pits and LEAVES, and god knows what.
It just so happens that my friend Helen's dad is
someone who sues mexican candy companies that produce
It also happens that Helen shows this to her dad, who
nearly yells "OH MY GOD" and asks if he can have it so
he can send it to his lab. I let him have it, and a
month later he tells me this WONDERFUL information.
Apparently, Pulp Of Tamarind contains bacteria and
organisms that can cause death over time. As well,
they concluded that pulp of tamarind is not, in any
way, fit for human consumption.
I don't know if they've filed a lawsuit yet, but I
decided to share with you that piece of information.
Thanks, Shannon! You're a hero!
Bad-candy.com - teaming up with awesome middle school kids to get shit done
Be sure to visit the News Archive for more hot updating action!
Most Recent Updates to the Site:Updated Chaca Chaca article with lead poisoning warning. - 2004-03-26 11:33:46
Added the "Amazing Bad-candy.com Comeback-athon" 2003 article - 2003-10-09 01:57:25
Created the new site! - 2003-10-09 01:56:51