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In which a young man sets off on a journey of enlightment and instead winds up with a spunk-covered gumball in his mouth. A three-tiered candy horror with bonus frisbee action! |
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A friendly, smiling bear tries to trick us into eating chunky carmel slop! Surprisingly, it works. Includes a closeup picture of the inside of my mouth, so more people can send me email about how fucked up my teeth are. |
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Join us in a very special examination of "the Mexican Powerbar," as we hitch a ride on the Satan Express and take it all the way... to the end of the line! Whatever that means. |
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A legendary bad candy that reminds us of tomato vomit in a bag. The nastiest snack ever! Or so we imagine. |
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What happens when you bring together the magic of the circus with the magic of George Washington Carver's greatest invention? UNSPEAKABLE HORRORS. |
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The Dutch completely lose their minds and create a candy made entirely out of black licorice and salt, while Ben dresses up like a Teletubby and trips the hell out, maaaaaan. Wackiness ensues. |
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If drinking foamy blue milk from an animal's wrinkly old breast is your idea of a good time, then Fizzy Milk is right up your alley. Also featuring our cinematic debut. |
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Rock hard, dried out, spice-covered plum lumps make everything worse. Lollipops are no exception. |
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Rock hard, dried out, spice-covered plum lumps make everything worse. Hard, inedible lumps of resin are no exception. |
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A candy so bad, we don't have the words to describe it. So we didn't. In fact, this summary is longer than the actual review, but lacks the grotesque closeup that looks like poo in a plastic wrapper. |
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Affectionate little vinegar-flavored slices of vegetable hell. Co-starring Jeff as ENRIQUE, SAVAGE HISPANIC WARRIOR! |
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The review that started it all, featuring America's Favorite Sombraro-Wearing Peanut, Diana Pico! Also featuring a mouthful of hurt and a retarded story about the friendliest convenience store clerk ever. |
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Sav-on Drugs manages to lose our film, and I'm forced to write a review about creme-filled toast and bear erections without photographs. We triumph, thanks in large part to the irrepresible human spirit. |
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More hard, dried out plum chunks. But in a surprising new twist, they've been caked in salt. 398% your daily allowance worth of salt, to be precise. |
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Another packet of sludge, brought to you by Cisne, the makers of Chamoy of Fruit. More disturbing information about Tamarind has been unearthed and submitted by fans than all the other candies combined. |
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It's the Eye of the Tiger, it's the thrill of the fight, risin' up from the challenge of our rivals. |
For over five years, the Ultimate Bad Candy Website has been bringing you hard-hitting candy coverage from around the globe, but mostly from my stinky, unlit bedroom. We go deep undercover to unearth the hellish candy creations of communists and other evil foreigners in full, glorious color, often enduring punishments that would cripple normal men. But thanks to our special cybernetic advancements that allow us to hover six inches off of the ground and warp at will into an alternate reality where Hitler is king of the United States of Hitler and as a result I am my own grandfather, we ultimately prevail, triumph, and otherwise totally overcome all adversity.
