The best part about this whole review is that we turned it into a stupid little film, so I really don't have much more to say, other than to remind you that this is fruity, salty milk we're drinking here. So without further ado, we present our friend Sean in his Bad Candy Movie premiere!

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And before all you lowly "modem people" start crying and moaning about how unfair it is to make the bulk of this review into a video that will take you hours and hours to download, please note that:

1. You should shut the hell up.
2. Those of us with access to high-speed Internet connections laugh at you behind your back.
3. We have tried our best to compress the video down to a manageable size... though it will most likely still take hours and hours to download. And honestly, you're going to be vastly disappointed at the humor content when it's done. So why bother? Well, christ, you're probably sitting at work right now anyway, so it's not like you've got anything better to do! Now please refer to back to recommendation #1.

And while you're waiting for the video to download, why don't you suck up some of that precious bandwidth by scooting on over to the official Fizzies web site, where you can meet their mascots Fizzie™ and Foamer™, read all about Fizzie history, and attempt to enter the Fizzie Contest, even though you can't because the goddamn button doesn't work. After that, you can gouge your eyes out with a dull butter knife, stick your big toes in the sockets where your eyes existed just moments before, and spin around on your back like a top, screaming at the top of your lungs in a feeble attempt to forget the epilepsy-inducing pain all those flashing bubbles caused.

Enjoy!

Appearance: Consistency: Smell: Taste: