5/31/00 - Mark:
The Fizzy Milk review is finally done... and it's only three weeks late! Not bad for us. So go read it. And watch the video. Or don't; I really don't care.
In other news, we have also re-opened the Reader Submission contest, where you get to send us your own Bad Candy stories to be published on the site! In June, we will unveil this new-fangled Reader Submission thingamajig, and will begin posting a new reader-submitted story EACH WEEK! SUMMER MAAAAAAAAADNESS!!! Look a bit further down on the main page for details.
So until the middle of June, enjoy the new review, and be sure to join us in the messageboards, where we pointlessly bicker, call each other rude names, and never actually get around to talking about candy.
5/26/00 - Mark:
While you're waiting for us to finally post our Fizzy Milk review (this weekend. It's GOING TO HAPPEN!!!), why don't you head on over to the Seanbaby/Old Man Murray/Bad Candy E3 2000 coverage! Great funs! Hoorays! If you don't feel like reading it, here's a brief synopsis: Seanbaby gets chicks, Erik and I get lost, and Chet gets lots and lots of sleep.
Fizzy Milk. This weekend. With or without the video.
5/10/00 - Mark:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I was just kidding about the Fizzy Milk review being posted this week! I sure fooled you guys! Ha ha! Yep... sure did... heh... ahem. So. Why isn't anyone else laughing?
Honestly, I'd forgotten that E3 was this week when I said we'd have an update. And since E3 starts tomorrow, and the review isn't done... well, no new candy. At this point, the new review has been so built up, nobody is going to think it's funny anyway. And while we're busy talking about my failures as a human being, I'm ending the reader submission contest just one week after its inception. I didn't get enough submissions for it to work. Much thanks to those who did send stories in. I will try to figure out a way to post your stuff on the site in the near future.
So, to recap: I suck, you all hate me, and I'm going to go hide in a corner and bawl my eyes out now. See you next week!
5/4/00 - Mark:
No new candy reviews yet, though I promise the Fizzy Milk review will be up next week. Seriously. But we do have several new developments that warrant an update. First of all, I've re-written and finalized the story of how our site was plagiarized, though if you've never read our Fruit Salted Plum Suckers review, you should check that first for some background info.
I've also added a section here on the front page for news that doesn't fit in the update window, including the new reader-submitted bad candy review contest we are starting. Please participate. I will cry if you don't, and Ben will most likely kick me. Again. And it hurts.
And most importantly, Cindy Brady confessed to me on her radio show about how much she likes our site. Yes, THE Cindy Brady. I've heard from a very reliable source that this officially makes us more popular then Seanbaby. If you call HDJ Jewboy a reliable source. AND I DO, BECAUSE HE IS MY SPARKLY FAIRY TWIN!
Bye for now. Back next week.
4/12/00 - Mark:
Ben and I finally finished the My Love review, since you damn people wouldn't stop bitching about it. It's the longest, stupidest thing I've ever written, so we broke it up into two parts. It took forever to finish, as I'm sure you're painfully aware, so we hope you like it. And if you don't, well, too bad.
The next candy queued for review is Fizzy Milk, and it's as absolutely disgusting as it sounds. The exciting part is that we made a video of our friend Sean drinking the crap. Now that we are famous, we can get our friends to do anything. I'll also be adding a Links page to the site in the near future, along with some other features Ben and I are still hammering out, so stay tuned. Until then, keep our egos inflated and keep the bad candy down.
4/10/00 - Mark:
We'll also be posting an update on the front of the Portal of Evil, so if you want to opt out of the whole "dishes through window" thing, let me know. 3/21/00 - Mark: In other news, everything is straightened out in the messageboard now, so go in there and post the hell out of it! The form to sign up for the Portal of Evil newsletter is now up too. It's at the bottom of this page. 3/19/00 - Mark: 3/17/00 - Mark: 3/16/00 - Mark: First off, we have our first non-review: Cisne. As far as I can tell, it's pronounced "chees-nay". It smells, it's sloppy, and we didn't eat it, so piss off. Also, this site can now be reached at www.bad-candy.com, so start using that address. You will also be able to sign up for your very own free "bad-candy.com" email account pretty soon through the Portal of Evil, which is neat. We've got another candy review due up next week. It's called "My Love" (seriously), and it was pretty hideous. That is the candy where Jeff dressed up all sexy, in case you you were wondering. If you can't wait another week to see it, here's a preview. This site will be appearing in the May issue of Yahoo! Life magazine, so keep an eye out for that. Well, I guess that's it for now. Until next week, peace out, and always remember: you're our favorite honkey. 3/5/00 - Mark: First off, in our next review, Jeff will be dressed as a Hot Latin Lover. He did it for all you lusty ladies out there. It's worth waiting for. Even better, though, is the fact that we have a messageboard now! (note on 3/13/00: the messageboard is currently down. Back soon.) So go check out the different forums and post there, gosh darnit! Let's get this show on the road! Just watch out for Ben and Jeff's completely random posts. And stay tuned next week, when we post our first "non-review", where I manage to use the phrase "adorned with informational festoonery"! It's super fresh, homeslice! Yeah! 2/24/00 - Mark: So now you guys know we're not dead. In fact, we've got a lot of great stuff coming up, like two new candy reviews (oh man, we've found the worst candy ever), a messageboard (crossing my fingers), and some Bad Candy merchandise (as I type this, I realize how retarded Bad Candy merchandise sounds. What I'm really saying is gift baskets and T-shirts). Plus all sorts of random idiocy that will be posted here. So get all excited, because you know you want to. We back wif a vengence, foo'!
WE ARE STILL ALIVE. The new candy review we are working on is turning out to be very difficult. It will be up soon, and we will notify everyone of any updates through my recent mastery of the occult. I'll use my new-found telekinetic powers to send all of your Star Trek collector's plates hurtling through a window. At that point, you will know it is time to return here. So it is written. So it shall be done.
OH MY GOD! It's the moment you've all been waiting for! Get your butts over to EvilEmail.com and sign up for your very own @BAD-CANDY.COM EMAIL ADDRESS! YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAW! I'm so super excited, I just wet myself while typing this! Okay, yeah, sure, I was going to wet myself anyways. Thanks for bringing that up. Look, will you just go sign up for a damned email address already, ya damn cynic.
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, please post in the new messageboooooooooooard, happy birthday to me! (I'm 23 now, since I know you were wondering)
Our email is working again, and we will have a new messageboard up on Monday. Sorry for an issues this may have caused, though I can imagine it was that big a deal for any of you. I mean, come on, it's a stupid page about candy! Get over it!
We moved. Again. We now reside at the illustrious Portal of Evil. Much thanks to Chet and Erik. And thanks to Kevin at VGN for allowing us to put up a forwarding link here. This is the last time we will move for a while, so everybody make yourself comfortable. With the move comes some exciting new things. And we know how you love excitement!
Due to an unexpected onslaught of procrastination, the two aforementioned reviews aren't done. They are almost done, but not quite. But we do have good news.
Whelp, we've finally got this here update section in place. It looks better in IE... with Netscape, you have to click a link to open it. Sorry; Netscape's fault, not ours.
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