|Di-n-Di's Preserved Mango!
Written and Photographed by: Jeremy
Thursday, August 24, 2000
Opened specimen. The smell alone was enough to almost get me to abort. It
smells "like ass" according to my assistant (a.k.a. wussy friend who
wouldn't eat it with me). It actually smells like Spicy paint....a combo of
paint with various spices.
Using tongs, removed specimens form packaging and placed them on paper
towels. There was a mysterious juice left in the bag, and also some soaked
into the paper towels.
Spearing specimen with fork...preparing for consumption.
After growing balls the size of mangos (weak laughter), I finally closed my
eyes and "dug in". Now, if you've ever gone swimming in the ocean, maybe
you've accidentally opened your mouth and let some nasty seawater in. Now,
imagine mixing that seawater with chili powder. Add something semi-solid.
You may end up with Di-n-Di's Preserved Mango w/ Chili.
Now, salty I can handle...spicy too...but the two together, that is hell in
a little plastic pouch. I am actually at a loss for words on how to explain
exactly the amount of torture placing this "thing" in my mouth put me
through. I can't say eating it, because I didn't eat it. The only bite I
took was the one that severed the piece from the rest on my fork. That was
possibly the worst mistake I have ever made. As soon as it entered my
mouth. it pulled out it's arsenal of jackhammers and started to destroy my
taste buds. The piece stayed in my mouth for approximately 00:00.70 seconds
before being promptly ejected into the garbage disposal, and that was
followed by some muscle spasms, watery eyes, and a small amount of vomit.
So boys and girls, what did we learn today?
Never, ever eat anything that's preserved with chili.
Make your friends do it instead.
Aside from the little cute fat kids, they weren't very decptive with the
packaging tactics. You can see what you are getting into, you just don't
know how badly.
Looks like large slugs
Nasty, nasty, and more nasty. I have not yet eaten anything worse than
I would like to rate this, but I really didn't get the chance to chew it
*shudders at the thought*
Not the worst, but definately very close. I wouldn't ever attempt to try
this item unless you think that the experience will in some way help you to
become a better person (here's a hint: IT WON'T)