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When I was passing through the local grocery store one afternoon, a colorful display of candy happened to catch my eye. It was a collection of candy from Mexico, arranged invitingly in 99 cent assorted bags. Inside some of the bags was "VERO MANGO"-a blobbish lollipop on a stick,encrusted with an inexplicable brown gritty substance. This caught my eye right away, and I knew that a true Bad Candy experience awaited me if I was willing and ready for it. Of course, I know now that one can never be truly READY for an experiance as hideous as the one I was about to have, but as I headed down the isle with my purchace, I felt I could handle anything.
Naturally, I was wrong.
The first inkling I got that I might be in for something more wretched than I could possibly handle was Vero Mango's smell. It reeked of toilet cleanser mixed with brine and chili powder. At first I assumed this was partially due to a gritty white powder in a small toy salt shaker that came with the package, which also smelled like toilet cleanser and, when I
tentatively dipped my tounge into the shaker, burned like salt mixed with battery acid and rancid limes. However, after I had scanned Vero Mango into my computer I opened the protective wrapping and inhaled deeper than Bill Clinton with a joint, which was pretty bad. Yes, this too smelled strongly of toilet cleanser.
That's exactly the moment I should have given up on the whole project, but like a fool I continued to the kitchen sink where I prepared to actually insert this atrocity into my mouth. The inexplicable brown crusty powder was caked onto the lollipop in an impenatrable defense sheild, and when I tentitively licked it, it burned like the stings of a hundred thousand fire ants and tasted like a combination of toilet cleanser (which was expected), chili powder, salt, and a sickly fruitish essence which reminded me of those agressively fruit-scented air freshener sprays. It tasted a little bit like mango, I suppose, but it was the dry, shriveled kind of mango jerky you get in vacum-sealed bags in the bargain bin of dingy health food stores. I rolled Vero Mango around in my mouth, the horrid boquet of flavors assaulting my poor horrified tounge. In my confused state, I thought that maybe, if I penetrated Vero Mango's defense shell, I could triumph over the candy and at least retain some shred of dignity.
I bit. It cracked... and the wretched flavor increased to a firy burning climax as shards of Vero Mango imbedded themselves in every crevice of my mouth. Just then, my gag reflexes kicked in and I violently sent Vero Mango chunks hurtling in what I vaugely hoped was the general proximity of the garbage, but I was beyond knowing or really caring. Desperately scrabbling around in the sink and gulping water straight from the faucet I realised I was a defeated person. Vero Mango had reduced me to a shuddering, sniveling shell of my previous self. As the water failed to soothe the vicious burning the candy had left in my mouth, I swore that I would never underestimate the power of Bad Candy again.
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