BlurblePlopBlurble Plop was originally genetically engineered to be a Singing Dessert engineered by the HomoClean subsidiary confectionary company Jizz Jinglies (Huge Testicles Slowly Growing Larger And Larger And The Stretching Sound The Scrotum Makes In Tandem, Pubic Hairs Gently Falling Off As The Surface Expands And The Shriveled Flaccid Penis Near It Which Is Forced To Continually Spew Fresh Semen That Is Produced At An Accelerated Rate). The bizarre company, failing to produce sales possibly due to their extremely long and probably offensive parenthetical title, lacked the funding to successfully produce a charming and delicious sentient gelatin dessert. But they came close. The CEO of this company, a widely recognized and feared bear rapist, was so confident in his product that he allowed the prototype concoction to name itself. When asked what its name was, the dessert drooled and sputtered out a sound that was later chronicled as Blurble Plop. Shortly afterwards, the hideous blasphemy of God's sanctified genetic design had to be put on artificial respiration to remain alive (it was having difficulty grasping the notion that its own saliva was not, in fact, oxygen). - Blurble Plop's Endoplasmic Reticulum Pudding Layer somewhat tastes like fruitcake and helps you produce kidney stones. - The floating bits of debris have been identified as cancerous tumors that appeared during its growth stage due to incompetent genetic planning (they taste like walnuts and make your breath smell really, really bad afterwards) - Its brain is actually really really good, kind of a squishy coconut. The instruction manual suggests you ensure Blurble Plop has been killed by severing his spinal cord with your spoon, because eating his brain while he's still alive causes him to scream really, really loud and pretty much ruins your appetite and your ability to sleep comfortably for a few weeks. - Blurble Plop's saliva is exactly the same as human saliva, and his breath is horrible. The instruction manual implores that you do not try to brush his teeth because the toothbrush will rip them out, making Blurble Plop cry (remedied by spooning his mouth off of his face) - The nervous connections to the eye are underdeveloped and cause Blurble Plop to occassionally see intense bursts of light which cause him to go into seizures. This causes him to make loud panicked gasping and twist his body to the point of ripping his gelatinous skin at the corners until he finally calms the fuck down. It's pretty funny the first couple of times you see it. - His nose is plastic. Blurble Plop giggles when you tickle it. It's pretty much the only adorable thing he's capable of. Voted the #2 most terrifying food item of 2073.  |