CanadaHistoryCanada was first settled by immigrant yak farmers who frolicked their way across the Bering Strait land bridge many eons ago. For aboot 10,000 years, Native Canadians accomplished the task of living in Igloos. Then dynamite was discovered. The French came to the Hudson Bay area and established trade with Europe, and over time decorative Canadian pornography was found in curio shops all over Paris. The English arrived and lived peacefully with the French until indoor plumbing was implemented in the capital building somewhere around 1974. Today the English and French descendants of the earliest European settlers enjoy many of the modern conveniences we take for granted here in the USA, including Eddie Murphy movies and electricity. After falling to the communists in 1946, Canada has struggled for self-rule. They went through a period of constant invasion from the USSR, Prussia, and the sovereign nation of East Turkestan. The infamous Oiler Rebellion of 1978 was led by Wayne Gretzky. As the last of the remaining Soviet tanks were heading to an airstrip outside of Edmonton, they were pelted with pucks by indignant hockey players. This day is celebrated every year and is known as Canada day. Although still technically behind the "Iron Curtain," they remain envious of Americans. Americans in turn can’t locate Canada on a world map and think socialized medicine is for sissies. People and Culture90% of Canadians live and work in communes and rarely leave the town where they are born. Little is known of the inner workings of these communes, the few Canadians who have escaped to the south utter words of "giant robot insects", but are generally ignored. Canada has deep-seeded cultural ties to the French and Vietnam War era draft dodgers (not associated with the LA Dodgers). A popular misconception regarding Canadian culture is that cannibalism is not only tolerated, but taught in schools as a proper social behavior. This couldn’t be further from the truth as Canadians don't attend schools. Although most Canadians don't have access to television, many citizens are well versed in the antics of American sitcom television characters due to the efforts of village bards who weave tales with hypnotic music. For the last 11 years “Sanford and Son” has topped the charts. Amplified music is forbidden and the most popular instrument is the bagpipe. ControversyCanadians or Canadans? You decide! UN Proposal 563481490248457032734535, which will force Canada to apologize for the "Crash Test Dummies", has been signed by 151 countries within the first hour of conception. Canada hasn't apologized as of yet. |