The Ultimate Bad Candy Wiki | Messageboards / USA

Where the Bad Candy messageboards live. If you are accessing the site from outside of the United States, then you may be in direct violation of domestic comedy export controls and are subject to termination.

That means you, Canada.

But not Australia, because it's not even really worth considering.

A Dirty Foreigner's Perspective

by Hedd, crazy Australian

The United States of America, as the initials suggest, is a largish country full of largish people, wait, I mean, with a largish amount of people residing in it. The invention of segway scooters and moving sidewalks has rendered walking useless.

Its main exports are

crappy movies in addition to 498 of the top 500 movies of all time
skin-and-bones 'celebrities' with huge sunglasses and the lead poles that impale them in our American crappy movies

and

soldiers who'll show foreigners a thing or two about a thing or two, proving that the United States knows a thing or two about a thing or two.

Its main imports are

hate mail
Russian brides
Mexican gardeners
Chinese babies

and

athletes from every country in every sport

Although seen by the rest of the world as an ignorant bunch of redneck hicks, the very existence of the Bad Candy Site suggests that this is in fact not so, with top-shelf humour and sleazy old barmen (read: creeps) being the order of the day.

Travel warning: If thinking about traveling to this particular country, think again buddy. There's got to be somewhere else you'd rather go, surely? I hear the headhunters of the Amazon have excellent family packages.